Dear Doctor:
I have this 30 year old male friend who seems very shy around people he does not know well. I only got to know him a year or so ago when we met in our apartment building. After bumping into him several times at the mail boxes, I invited him to come by my place for coffee. He did, but he seemed to have trouble making eye contact. After we shared several coffees and drinks he seemed less shy. He even invited me to go to lunch with him at a small cafe nearby. At the cafe he was once again very shy with me and I could smell alcohol on his breath. His shyness and mid-day drinking concerned me. I really like this guy and would like to spend more time with him. What do you think is the problem?
Sincerely,
Mary
Dear Mary:
Without spending some time with your friend I can't say for sure what his problem is, but from your description I would bet he has Social Anxiety Disorder. Social anxiety is characterized by extreme shyness. It is also not uncommon for people with Social Anxiety to use alcohol to bolster their courage when they are in situations of meeting new people.
There are two forms of Social Anxiety: fear of specific situations or activities such as giving a talk to a group of people, and generalized Social Anxiety. People with the generalized form have difficulty with almost all social activities, except for when they are with people they know well and whom they trust.
Most people with Social Anxiety have a dread fear they will say or do something “stupid.” As a result they often avoid social activities. It should come as no surprise that many people with Social Anxiety drop out of school if they think they will have to interact with others. They are also often unemployed or underemployed, preferring jobs that keep them away from others.
You may wish to discuss this with him (in a gentle and caring way) and suggest that he visist Anxietybc.com for more information and resources on anxiety.
Thank
you for your letter.
Doctor
